Inch By Inch: Love And Light In Cancer's Shadow (December 3, 2024)

Yesterday, Ali’s hospice nurse came by for another abdominal paracentesis. The fluid build-up in her stomach is relentless, and while these at-home procedures are a blessing, they’re limited to two liters a day. We drained that amount yesterday, and the plan is to continue with the rest on Wednesday when the nurse returns. This gives Ali a chance to recover a little in between procedures, but the cycle of this disease continues to weigh heavily on her body.

On my end, it hasn’t been an easy week either. Over Thanksgiving, I came down with some stomach pain that turned out to be infectious gastroenteritis. After a visit to urgent care, I was prescribed two antibiotics: 500 mg ciprofloxacin for five days and 200 mg fidaxomicin for ten days. The illness knocked me down hard, and being Ali’s primary caregiver while trying to keep my distance to protect her compromised immune system has been a balancing act, to say the least. Thankfully, Ali’s sister, parents, aunt, and cousins stepped up as always to help with everything while I recovered.

I’m relieved to say that today, I’m finally feeling really close to 100%. Just in time, too, because life doesn’t pause for any of us. Liam went back to school yesterday after Thanksgiving break. Getting out the door on time was a challenge for both of us, but we managed. Later this week, I have a meeting with his counselor and teacher to make sure the stress of home isn’t creeping into his school life. This will be our second check-in, and I’m grateful his school is so attentive to his well-being.

On a brighter note, Uncle Brad is arriving later today, and his presence couldn’t come at a better time. Brad’s been a rock for us over the years, and he’s ready to roll up his sleeves and tackle anything we need. Ali’s already made her first request, a new showerhead for her bathroom, which I’m sure Brad will install in record time. He’ll also help get the Toyota Highlander in for service, a task that’s felt impossible with everything else going on.

Brad’s a true jack-of-all-trades. Just knowing he’ll be here for an extended period has already lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. We can never repay him for what he’s done for us, and what he’s about to do, but his love and support mean the world to Ali and me.

The love and support from our family, friends, and neighbors has been nothing short of extraordinary. Every gesture, no matter how small, has made a monumental difference in our lives. Just this past weekend, dinner arrived in the form of a pizza delivery, arranged by someone who wanted to lighten our load for the evening. Nearly every week, our neighbors prepare entire meals for us. Beautiful flowers continue to arrive, brightening our home and lifting Ali’s spirits, even on her toughest days.

Gift cards have poured in, an overwhelming show of generosity that has kept us afloat, allowing us to focus on what truly matters. Messages of encouragement come through texts, calls, voicemails, and heartfelt cards, many of which now sit on Ali’s bedside table, offering her comfort and connection. As Avalynn’s 2nd birthday approaches on December 11th, Ali's cousin is helping to organize a small but meaningful celebration that will bring joy to everyone. And with Christmas just around the corner, others are stepping in to make sure Avalynn and Liam experience the magic of the season. Presents aren’t just being purchased for the kids... they’re being wrapped and delivered right to our doorstep, letting us focus entirely on Ali without the added stress of shopping. On top of that, a professional team came and decked out our entire house with lights, something I didn’t have to lift a finger for. When Ali, Avalynn, Liam, and I saw this, we were completely speechless. It’s far beyond anything I could have done on my own.

A heartfelt thank you to my mom for being my rock when I needed her most, sitting with me on the phone for 45 minutes the other day, patiently listening while I cried my heart out. Sometimes the weight of everything becomes too much, and having her there to share the burden means more than words can express.

I’m also deeply grateful to my brother, who quietly works behind the scenes to coordinate trips down to Nashville with my mom, niece, and grandmother. I know how much effort goes into planning those visits, but the joy they bring when everyone arrives is beyond measure. Just knowing another visit is on the horizon gives me something to look forward to and reminds me how lucky we are to have such a close, loving family.

I can’t name every single kind act, there are simply too many, but I want you to know that each one is deeply felt and appreciated. Whether you sent a gift, shared a kind word, or simply kept us in your thoughts, please know that you are making an impact. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. We love you.

Last night, as I was winding down, a song came on Spotify that I hadn’t heard in years and isn't really something I would normally listen to: “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You” by Glenn Medeiros. It hit me hard. This journey with Ali has been full of pain, the kind of pain that digs deep into your soul and stays there forever. Watching cancer take pieces of her day by day is excruciating, but for some reason, that song felt like a sign. It’s been on repeat ever since.

If you’re building a playlist or just want to send us a little extra strength silently, give it a listen and think of us. We need every ounce of good energy to keep pushing forward.

Cancer is a relentless thief. It takes, and takes, and then takes some more. But even in the shadow of its cruelty, there’s light. There’s love. There’s hope. Ali’s fight inspires me and others daily, and with the incredible people surrounding us, we’re finding ways to keep moving forward. Sometimes it’s just inch by inch, but forward is forward, and that’s enough.

Someone sent me this yesterday:

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time... Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life you will never get back...