One Month Without You, Ali (January 14, 2025)

Today marks one month since you left this world… since you took your final breath and became our guardian angel. It’s impossible to comprehend how a single moment could change everything, dividing our lives into “before” and “after.” Yet, even as time moves forward, your presence surrounds us in every corner of our lives, guiding us as we navigate this unfamiliar path.

The weight of your absence still feels surreal, as though the world should have stopped with you. But it didn’t, and we’ve been left to pick up the pieces, carrying you with us in every step forward. I wanted to share how we’re doing because I know you’d want to know. You’d want to be sure we’re okay… that we’re finding strength in one another and in the love you left behind.

Family and friends have been nothing short of incredible. They’ve wrapped us in unwavering love, creating a safety net that catches us when the weight of this new reality feels unbearable. Your parents, your sister, Avalynn, Liam, and I are slowly learning to navigate a world without you here. It’s in Avalynn’s sweet gestures and Liam’s quiet strength that we see you most clearly, and that connection brings us comfort every day.

Liam is back at school now after being out for a couple of weeks, and he’s doing so well. His teacher, his counselors, and the staff at Shayne Elementary School have been incredibly supportive, keeping a close eye on him and making sure his days are filled with kindness and care. He’s shown a strength that amazes me every single day, a resilience I didn’t know was possible for someone so young. You would be so proud of him, not just for how well he’s doing in school, but for the way he carries your memory with him. He reminds everyone that you are with him always, in his heart, in his mind, and in heaven.

Avalynn is growing up so quickly. She’s getting bigger and smarter with each passing day, which is no surprise because she’s your daughter through and through. Her curiosity and sweetness are little reflections of you, and it’s impossible not to see you in her every time she smiles. She still stops to blow kisses at your picture whenever she walks by... a small gesture that says, “I love you, Mommy,” without needing any words. I know you see when she does this, and I know you feel the love she sends your way.

Your dad and sister returned to work last week, trying to find some sense of rhythm in this changed world, while your mom has been an absolute lifesaver, caring for Avalynn during the day while I work. Your mom, dad, and sister pour so much love into every moment they spend with the kids. I can see how much it means to them to be part of their days, to feel your presence in Avalynn’s laughter and Liam’s smile. I’ve made it a priority to ensure they see Avalynn and Liam every day because I know how deeply it comforts them to stay connected to you through the kids, to see the little pieces of you shining through in their every action.

My brother and mom have returned to work in New Hampshire, but they’re already planning another trip to Tennessee soon. Staying close to us, to the memories of you, matters so much to them. My grandmother, who prays for you daily, loves when I call her to share updates about everyone. Those conversations seem to bring her a sense of peace, as if hearing about the kids helps her feel closer to you. Maybe she’ll even make her way back down here sometime soon as I know being here, where your love is so deeply felt, would mean the world to her.

Our aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews have truly been a lifeline during this time, showing up for us in ways that words can hardly capture. They’ve made it a priority to stay connected, whether through calls, messages, or thoughtful surprises that bring unexpected moments of joy. It’s in these gestures, big and small, that their love shines through, reminding us that even in the shadow of loss, we are not alone. Their unwavering support has helped hold us together when the waves of grief feel too strong. Every act of kindness, every shared memory of you, is a testament to the extraordinary strength of family.

As for me, I am back at work now, though it feels different than it did before. Returning to my routine has brought some sense of normalcy, but my perspective has shifted in ways I didn’t expect. The support my coworkers and company gave to our family throughout last year and into this year is something that will stay with me forever. It wasn’t just gestures or words, it was genuine care, thoughtfulness, and love when we needed it most. They stood by us in ways that truly humbled me.

Liam often tells me that he loves my company because they loved his daddy and mommy so much. Hearing him say that puts everything into perspective. It reminds me how far your light reaches, even through people who may never have met you personally. That love and kindness they showed wasn’t just for me or the kids, it was a reflection of how much you meant to the world. I feel incredibly fortunate to work in an environment where that kind of humanity exists, and I’ll carry their support with me always.

Every day, someone new reaches out to tell me how much they miss you, Ali, and how you positively touched their life. People I haven’t spoken to in years, friends from high school, college, or even from the early days when we first started dating, have become regular check-ins, sharing their kindness and unwavering support. Some of these reconnected friends have gone far beyond what I could have imagined, sending cards, thoughtful gifts, and even gift cards to help the kids and me through this time. It’s truly incredible how your light continues to bring people together, even now. You left a lasting mark on everyone who knew you, and their love for you keeps showing up in beautiful, unexpected ways, reminding me just how much of an impact you had on the world around you.

Later this week, a delivery of framed family photos will arrive, and the kids and I are going to create a memory wall, a corner of our home dedicated to you, where your presence will always feel close. It will be a place where your love is not only remembered but also seen and felt every single day. I want Avalynn and Liam to look at those photos and see the love and joy that defined our family, to know that you are still with us in everything we do. It will be our way of keeping you present, a daily reminder that your spirit surrounds us, guiding us with the warmth and love you gave so freely.

Every day, I’m doing my best to be the father Avalynn and Liam need and deserve. I want to make sure they have everything they need to grow, to thrive, and to become the amazing people I know they will be. You built a foundation of love with each of them, one that will carry them through life, no matter what challenges come their way. My promise to you is to nurture that love, to keep them close to your heart, and to honor the beautiful legacy you left behind.

It’s been one month, and somehow it still doesn’t feel real. It’s like a bad dream I keep hoping to wake up from, only to realize again and again that you’re not here. Even so, we’re doing our best, taking it one day at a time, trying to honor you in everything we do. We carry your love with us, the love you gave so freely and so beautifully, letting it guide us through the hardest moments. You are forever in our hearts, a part of everything we are and everything we’ll become. One day, when the time is right, I know we’ll see you again, and until then, we’ll keep looking toward your glow, finding strength in its unwavering presence.